Lord have mercy, y’all, I gotta get this off my chest ‘cause I am about to lose my damn mind.
I am forty-two years old, an immigrant who finally got her butt into university on the first damn year, and here I am sittin’ at this kitchen table every night tryin’ to make sense of that old bastard Henry Wadsworth Longfellow so I can accredit my historian diploma. I done worked my ass off to even get accepted, and now they got me readin’ all this 19th-century nonsense like it’s supposed to make sense to a regular woman.
I swear to God, I been starin’ at “Paul Revere’s Ride” and that Hiawatha mess for hours, tryin’ to figure out what the hell he mean by all them “thee” and “thou” and “hath” and “doth” and sentences that run on forever. “By the shores of Gitche Gumee”? Boy, please. I read it three times out loud and still ain’t sure if the trees is talkin’ or if he just drunk when he wrote it. It makes my head hurt somethin’ awful.
I know I ain’t the smartest cookie in the jar, but I done made it this far. I left everything behind, came here, and got myself into school at my age. But this highfalutin’ old-timey grammar is kickin’ my butt harder than a mule in a briar patch. I reckon I’ll get through it ‘cause I ain’t quittin’, but sweet Jesus, this fuckin’ Longfellow is testin’ every bit of patience I got left.
Anybody else out there over forty tryin’ to learn this old poetry shit for school and feelin’ dumber than a sack of hammers? Or am I the only one sittin’ here cussin’ a dead man under my breath every night? Bless his soul and all, but damn if he didn’t make it hard on purpose
Добавлено спустя 8 часов 26 минут:Back in tha day I been hangin’ ‘round them esoteric kinda forums, ya know, all that mystic mumbo-jumbo stuff folks pretend they understand. So there was this one mod fella, Murat, drivin’ a damn taxi up in New York, came from them caucasus mountains or whatever. Man was gettin’ on my last nerve, like a fly ya can’t slap, so I figured I’d just… deal with him.
First thing I done, I slid my way into trust with another mod, Igor, from the old forum. Played nice, smiled sweet, all that fake-friendly crap, just so I could get them admin keys off him. Now Murat, he weren’t even on that one, he was sittin’ pretty on the new forum, so them two worlds didn’t really mix ‘cept for that woo-woo topic.
Then I went and made myself a whole fake-ass forum. Same theme, same nonsense, but mine. Cooked up a bunch of fake accounts too, made ‘em look real nice, like they was already hangin’ on that new forum. I wrote as dudes, yeah, whole damn cast of ‘em, and through them I got close to Murat. Ain’t no way he’d trust me straight up, hell no.
Then I kept stirrin’ the pot on that new forum, backin’ up any complaints, but always throwin’ in how Murat’s “sharp as a knife” and “important as hell.” Folks started listenin’, eatin’ it up like cheap BBQ.
Soon as I felt he was ripe, I offered him a spot as moderator on my “elite” forum. Fancy word for fake, but he didn’t know that. Told him, through them fake accounts, to drag as many users over as he could. And lord, people into that esoteric stuff… bless their hearts, they dumb as rocks. They followed.
Course the admins on the new forum didn’t like that one bit, but Murat? He walked right out on his own, proud as a rooster, straight into my trap.
On my forum I kept the illusion goin’, fake activity, fake discussions, but real folks he brought in made it look legit. After a few months I dangled a bigger carrot, offered him admin status. Man was howlin’ with joy, burned bridges on the old place, quit proper… and that’s when I hit him.
See, I still had them admin keys from Igor. So I went in, edited one of Murat’s own posts, made it look like he confessed he was… well, gay. For a caucasus guy, that ain’t just awkward, that’s a full-on family disgrace kinda deal.
He didn’t even notice at first. Women on there started pityin’ him, everyone believed it was his words. Even Igor bought it, ‘cause he forgot he ever handed me that password like a fool.
Then I locked Murat (mr.)outta my forum. Slammed the door. And on the new forum, as myself, I made this sweet little sympathy post, linked his “confession” like “hey Murat, it’s okay, don’t you worry.” Threw in a couple laugh emojis just to spice it.
Whole place lost their minds. Former mod, big shame, big drama. Murat couldn’t take it. Man vanished from all three forums, just disappeared like smoke.
Ain’t seen him since. Gone.
And me? I still sit here laughin’ ‘bout it.
So yeah… whatcha think ‘bout my brain and my iq, huh?
